Two Dads are Better than None

Tonight I stood on top of a hotel in Shizuoka Japan and looked at the
stars and made a few prayers in the direction of a cross next to a
wedding chapel. I wish that I could say we have a baby on the way, but
unfortunately that is not the case yet. It has been more than two
months since I put anything up here. Two long and emotional months to
say the least. I hope it is, as they say, darkest before the brightest
light of day. We could totally use some light.

Back in August we made our 2nd attempt with our surrogate. Our first
failed but we pressed on. We had heard about other couples giving up
on surrogacy because they just could not handle the emotional roller
coaster of it all. At the time I wondered why they gave up, now I
completely understand. Perhaps that is why I have not put many
thoughts about this personal journey up here. Going through this makes
you feel raw, vulnerable and alone at times. In August we attempted
again and within a week of my 40th birthday we learned that we were
pregnant. Those few days were some of the happiest I remember in a
long time. We knew that a positive home pregnancy test meant that we
were far from out of the woods. We had bought an expensive bottle of
wine months ago that we were saving to open once we learned of the
positive pregnancy. The past few months I could not wait to open that
bottle of wine. A few days after we attempted we got a call from our
surrogate. As soon as I heard the tone in her voice, I could barely
contain myself. She had called to tell us that she was pregnant and
that we were going to be fathers. I was so overcome with emotion that
I could not even speak to her so I handed the phone to Greg and wept
with joy. It was truly one of the happiest moments in my life.

We were cautious who we told this to; only immediate family. And for
days all we thought or talked about was how excited we were, what the
next nine months would be like, etc. That was on August 25th, two days
after my 40th birthday. Things had been hectic at work as well. I had
finally closed a deal for my company doing some work back in Japan.
Since I speak Japanese I had found some software project management
work that would require me to be in Japan for a few months. Greg was
not happy about me being away for such a long time, but he knew that I
had to do what I had to do. I was relatively excited to go back since
I had not been to Japan for years and I like the language, culture and
food a lot. I feel a special closeness to Japan and Japanese people to
tell the truth. So I had planned and booked a flight to Tokyo on Sept.
7th that would have me there working for a couple of months. After the
great news of our pregnancy, I only thought of the travel and how when
I got back we would be that much closer to being dads. We had a nice
family dinner the night before I left and as I tried to fall asleep I
had so many thoughts bouncing through my head.

Then we got a text. It was about 11pm and I had to get up in few hours
and leave for Tokyo. As I fumbled towards the night stand and read the
text, I wanted to believe it was all just a bad dream, but I was awake
and the words were there in front of me. In spite of the positive
pregnancy results and the few weeks that I had passed, our surrogate
had texted us to say that unfortunately she got her period and it was
just a chemical pregnancy. And just like that, it was over and I felt
devastated. Greg was too once he found out, but I took it especially
hard. As I tried to sleep on the 14 hour business class trip to Tokyo,
when the cabin was dark and the business class seats around me were
fully declined, I cried for awhile. This was not how it was suppose to
happen. Our poor surrogate was heart broken to have to deliver this
news to us. I felt like the floor had fallen out from under us. After
years of planning, talking, tons of money, lawyers, tests, jumping
through adoption hoops, failed adoptions, failed surrogacies,
attempts, plane tickets, coordinating, diet, exercise, coordination
and a ton of emotions, we were no closer to having a family. Life only
gives us as much as we can handle I guess, and I was at the end.

The next day I was busy acclimating back to Japan, trying to forget
our bad luck and oddly enough I was thankful that I was away from it
all, away from my partner, family and surroundings so I could forget
about it, lick my wounds and try to press on. The past few months I
also connected with an old friend I knew from back in Japan who lives
in Seattle. He and his partner had just had a baby girl via surrogacy.
We had also befriended a very nice gay couple who had just had a baby
via surrogacy too. Their words have helped. Sometime it feels like you
are the only person in the world doing this. Sometime it feels like
God has a bad sense of humor I guess, because this felt like a sick
joke.

I am writing this from my hotel room in Japan. Being here has been fun
I guess, but a distraction and way to get away from my feelings about
this. In a bit over a week I will go back home and we will try again
soon I hope. I don't know how couples (straight or gay) can keep
trying for so long. Since there are no ovaries in our house, it takes
a lot more time, money and coordinating to even get to try. Such is
life.

I am trying to remain hopeful, through all the shitty adoption
agencies, lawyers mess we must fumble through to have a family. The
hardest things can be easy sometimes (love, job, house, health,
security) and the easiest things for some can be hard for some
(marriage, starting a family).

As I stood on the roof looking at the mountains and stars tonight and
really just wished for one thing and you probably know what that is. I
miss Greg and if anything this long absence has made me realize how
much I love and miss him. But the break has also renewed my strength
in how much I want to have a family. I know life is unfair. I know
that people do not think I should be able to marry the man I love or
that some hateful Christian might say that the failed pregnancy was
just god's way of saying that gay couples should not have a baby. I
don't believe that. I only want the same things everyone else wants
and I will NOT give up until I have them. I do not care of it takes
the rest of my life, but I WILL finally reach my dream of the two
things that everyone else takes for granted; married with children.
That is all that I want. All the other stuff is gravy.

I am writing these personal thoughts here so that I can look back on
them some day and remind myself of how painful and hard those two
things were to achieve and how I will never take them for granted. God
bless us, and please hurry :-).

As a kid who grew up watching this show, I found this very interesting..

Sometimes if you really stop to think about, life is a total trip at times :-)

"I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, And in short, I was afraid."

So after years of planning, many ups and downs and lots of money, we have arrived at the races!! Today will be our first attempt to inseminate our surrogate. I have not updated this much because we had a lot of steps to get through to even arrive at the attempts, but suffice it to say we have located an awesome surrogate, signed contracts and today she will arrive for a few days of (ahem), well you can imagine. Or maybe not.

I am not sure why everyone is so intrigued by *HOW* we will be making a baby, but they are. It is not like I ask straight people, "So when you made your son, did you give it to the old lady doggie style?" Maybe I should ask that when I get the question next time.

Anyway, it has  been a tough road to get to this point. My only hope is that we are successful.

And for the record, we are not having a baby to try and be like all the straight people. We are having a baby because we want to. After 9 years together, I would say we are pretty securely attached to each other.  Too bad so many couples jump into kids so quickly. In any event, there was never a baby more wanted than the one we are trying to make. Wish us luck and God's blessing. We are off to the races!

I am getting close to my target weight thanks to diet, P90x and limiting sugar and carbs
Sept 09 - June 10

Step 1
Eat a diet that is balanced with lean protein, fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Avoid fried foods or foods with high fat contents. Your body will absorb the fat you eat, making it difficult for you to increase muscle tone and appear toned. Managing your diet doesn't necessarily equate to weight loss although some weight loss may occur.

Step 2
Do cardio exercises three to four times per week for 30 to 60 minutes at a time. If you have minimal fat, cardiovascular activity will help to maintain your existing muscle tone and strengthen your cardiovascular system. If you have some fat to lose, cardiovascular exercises are essential for losing fat as well as strengthening your cardiovascular system. In order to appear toned, you have to minimize the fat on your body. Otherwise, you may be toning muscles that can't be seen because they're hidden behind a layer of body fat.

Step 3
Drink plenty of water. It is recommended that you drink eight 8-oz.glasses per day (64 oz. total or approximately 2 liters). Try to drink an additional four glasses per day (or an additional liter). Drinking water works as an internal cleanser that washes away fat and impurities on the inside of your body the way water cleans your body externally.

Step 4
Do strength training exercises three times per week. Lifting free weights or using the weight resistance machines in a gym are a good way to tone. If you prefer a more simple routine, there are exercises you can do to tone that don't require any equipment Once you become accustomed to doing strength training, you can consider an alternate form such as Pilates to keep things interesting.


Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/21795-way-tone-up-body/#ixzz0q5goH63Q

Blah, that's how I feel about the whole "f-booking" thing as I have heard it called. Yet I keep this app on my iphone and check it several times a day. We are literally becoming a society that is wired every waking moment. Our kids are addicts. Imagine raising a college kid and them not having a smart phone or a facebook account..they would rather die I am sure.

Greg and I were looking on Myspace last night and it reminded me why I was glad to commit myspace suicide. Stick with one group contacting medium and use it, I thought. After seeing some of these pages I was glad I had done that. They are too confusing and everyone has a "unique" page. I think it may be dying a slow death.

But remember I am here to bitch about f-booking. And oh how it annoys me. Why do I care what someone I know from third grade is doing in Wisconsin. And the old 80/20 rule applies here too. 80% of all posts will be from 20% of your users. My best friend is on Facebook and I do not think we communicate any more or better. Yet he does not update much and I do. Or do I? Maybe there should be a counter that says "OK, enough updates from you. Ya know, it is not all about you sometime." And I stare at a facebook page and that somehow gives me a view of the world around me? Not hardly. I guess I feel connected, but really my close friends and family are the ones I care about the most. I quickly built three circles in my privacy settings: family, close friends, and acquaintances. There is far too much shit going on in my world and too many things asking for my attention. We were laughing recently about Greg's brother and fiance communicating through facebook while sitting 2 feet from each other on the sofa. Sad, but funny that we have all come to this.

I would like to impose the following suggestions:

1. Pics of your kids is allowed 1 times per week
2. No drama. I know it won't happen because we are suckers for cat fights, but I can dream.
3. Self promotion in excess makes you appear vapid and somewhat self centered, but who is not?
4. I do not give a $hit about any games you play. Period.
5. Some of you need to have your submit button disabled. I do not need to know every significant detail of your mundane life. I know you are leaving a record for future generations to examine, but maybe none of us are THAT interesting. And the ones who are that interesting we all know about.

Now I have to save this so I can update my facebook page.

In a little over a month since I last updated this we have been going through a slightly different path: surrogacy; only this time we were the ones who backed out based on professional advice.

Interestingly, this one does not feel as upsetting as the failed adoption. And I am guessing it is because, thankfully, no life was ever created.

For those unfamiliar with this segment of the baby business, there are 2 types: Traditional and Gestational. For traditional surrogacy, the woman's own egg is used. For gestational surrogacy, a third party (typically and unknown egg donor) is used and another woman carries the child to delivery.

In March after our failed adoption, I met what I thought would be the perfect traditional surrogate. We opted to go the traditional route because 1) it was much cheaper and 2)we were not as concerned about who the mother was, just that she was healthy and would relinquish rights when asked.

I met this potential surrogate, let's call her Khris, on this surrogate website and thought she sounded great. She was local in Texas (important for cost and legalities), had already had a child (never do surrogacy on a woman's first baby) and had what I thought was a stable life and support network. Also, she was willing to go the traditional route, which very few surrogates are, since it would have been her genes in the mix.

While poking around on this website, we met a gay couple who had been attempting to have a baby for TEN years. Yes, that is right, 10 freaking years! The good news is that they finally had their baby and their friendship was the one good thing we managed to get out of that failed surrogacy. These two had spent a lot of time and money and had gone through several failed matches, so we felt an immediate connection. They had also given us advice on how to proceed with Khris.

The gay people I know who are parents are some of the best parents you will ever meet and the reason why is that they try to do things right and learn from others. So we learned very early that in spite of the cost and time, we were going to do this right, which meant before proceeding with this seemingly perfect surrogate we were going to go through all the right steps: hire a good attorney, get background reports and have a psychologist who specializes in surrogacy evaluate her. If everything came up rosy then we would proceed with the *ahem* insemination.

I will tell the story of how our relationship unfolded so that other couples can possibly learn from us. I believe there are 2 ways to learn things: From experience and from others. Experience is the best teacher but also the most expensive. Really smart people learn from watching other who do it right.

Going the independent route is scary, so when Khris said she wanted to be our surrogate, we made it very clear that we would do this the right way. After exchanging emails and phone calls the next step was for us to meet her and family, so we did one weekend and drove down to San Antonio. Our hope was to get to know them a bit and see what we thought. We had dinner with them one night and breakfast the next day and we left feeling like they might be OK. There was nothing special or extraordinary about the couple and their baby. They were a bit reserved I thought and not *quite* what I had hoped for, but as Greg pointed out, they really are just providing a service (albeit the most important one in the world for a couple) and who were we to judge another couple from the outside, right?

So we were left thinking "maybe" and she was very anxious to start (flag #1). Oddly enough, they did not want us to see their apartment, but I understand that, so we headed home excitedly thinking of all the steps we had to go through. Medically, she was fine. That was really the first important thing for us; that we feel medically confident that she is fertile and can carry a healthy baby full term, so I got her on insurance and started having her screened. All the steps are also telling because only a woman REALLY interested in "seeing someone fulfill their dream of starting a family" would jump through all the hoops needed, so to her credit, she was willing. She was 33 and had told us that she wanted to donate her eggs too but had been rejected "because of her age" (flag #2). As I got to know them, they seemed like a nice young family. Her fiance was in grad school and she stayed home and took care of their 9 month old. He was on scholarships I guessed, but I did wonder *where* their income came from, but I could not really pinpoint that (flag #3). We gave them a bit of slack since we are in a recession and hey, maybe they were doing it for financial reasons but really wanted to "help" us. We presented ourselves as an open book. One of the fist things they got about us was a 20 page report from a licensed social worker stating why we be good parents. For me, I was very much about giving them EVERYTHING about us, and in hindsight probably a bit too much, since this report told our salaries, net worth, savings etc. Yet oddly enough, when I inquired about their financial stability, suddenly that was something they were not really comfortable discussing (flag #4). Fair enough. I can accept that. They looked clean and presentable and would never begrudge someone for struggling to get by.

Next I lawyered up (did I tell you how much I hate lawyers?) and started working on a contract (albeit an unenforceable one through the judicial eyes of Texas) but still, contracts gave you a path and outlined expectations. We got the background check from police back and there were a *few* more items on both of them than we had expected (2 arrests for him and 3 arrests for her, Yikes!). Dear reader, far be it from me to judge. I too have a thing out there as well from when I was young too, so I am going to be quite forgiving when it comes to that. Hey, we all screw up and anyone who has not spent at least one night in jail is pretty boring in my book. So as I inquired about each incident, the excuses seemed odd and I could not quite piece together what had really been done wrong in some of the arrests. Also, she had plenty of chances to tell me about these but waited until after we met to come forth with these items in her past. That caused me to start questioning her honesty (flag #5). I was expecting 1 item so when I got the report back from my lawyer, I was a bit miffed to see 3 arrests for her and 2 for him. I think this is where I started to have my doubts.

When you are trying to start a family like us and have been put through the emotional and financial wringer like us, you learn to accept a lot. Her excuses sounded plausible and I was all about giving people another chance. As I said earlier, I was no angel when I was young, so I could forgive someone with an item or two on their wrap sheet. Once all this had been spelled out, my legal counsel warned me that she too was concerned (major flag #6) and she was a paid professional who focused in surrogacy, so she had seen a lot.

Uh oh, this was not going in the direction I had hoped. The next hoop for them to jump through was the psychological screening for both of them. By this time our relationship was becoming a bit strained. She seemed too anxious about all this and called, emailed and texted me too much (flag #7). I never quite trusted her emotionally, but she sent poems and wanted to chat with me so we would "bond". Part of the "journey" doing it this way is the connection you have with this person.

After we presented the contract to them, they wanted to use a very expensive attorney that we had to pay for. This hacked me off a bit since even my lawyer does not bill at $300/hr, but ultimately I said OK, but very quickly I was getting concerned. If I am paying for your lawyer and he or she is better than mine, I am quite the dumbass, right? (flag #8).

By now we decided the psychologist was going to make or break this. And I wanted to be sure that this person knew all the same details I did, so I communicated all the facts I had to the psychologist.

A short word about the social workers and shrinks in this process: They are worth EVERY penny and are the best money you will spend. In our failed adoption it was not the attorneys or the mother or anyone who could give us clear direction but rather it was this little California social worker who told us what we needed to know "the father does not want to terminate his rights". So with the psychologist, her job was to tell us a) what her true motives were b) how fit she was emotionally for this and c) any likelihood that she would try to keep the child after birth. Anyone doing a surrogacy will tell you that THIS is the biggest fear any couple has.

I received a text from them after the meeting that said they had been asked to leave the psychologists office by security. WTF!! Are you kidding me? When I got the text I thought the whole thing had just blown up. Obviously if your surrogate and her partner are asked to leave the psychologists office by security, they are not fit to carry your child. Turns out, they thought it would be "funny" and they wanted to "joke" with us. We asked a lot of people about that stunt and no one said it was funny. Not even remotely. Interestingly enough the fact that they thought they did so well they could joke about it and the fact that I so quickly believed it is actually quite revealing. In my mind it was totally plausible that they got into a shouting match with a psychologist. (Flag #9)

The next week I received the nail in the coffin. Flag #10 came from a licensed psychologist who specializes in evaluating these young ladies to see if they are for real. She told me what I feared; that there were red flags all over both of them. After much time and money, I finally got the answer I needed to hear in my myopic state: run away from them! In summary, it turns out that their motives were actually based more on their financial situation than anything else ( I had feared this as well) and that they both had, how shall I put this, a bit more psychological baggage than we had hoped. Many things did not add up and in the end, they had taken us for a bit of a ride, even though they "promised" early on that they would not hurt us. And actually maybe it was our rejection that hurt them. Come to find out that as an "independent" surrogate, she would have NEVER been accepted by any agency. After all the dirt came out, it became very apparent to us that we had funded their little experiment and they had both failed horribly.

Once Greg and I made the decision and told them, their response was actually quite telling. They were not really sad or devastated emotionally, just belligerent and insisting they get all these reports. This failure was actually easier on us emotionally than the adoption, obviously because there was not a life out there already that we hoped would be ours.

Dear readers, especially the same sex couples pursuing a child, please learn from my mistakes. The take aways here in surrogacy are as follows:

1. Trust your instincts. If you do not feel a level of trust between you and a surrogate, DO NOT PROCEED. The TRUE surrogates are the ones who do this to help people, not because they need cash. In fact, if a surrogate is too focused on the compensation, walk away, else you stand the chance of being held emotional and financial hostage by someone carrying your most precious cargo in the world.

2. Hire professionals! ESPECIALLY if you are dealing with these independent surrogates. The money we spent on the lawyers and psychologists was well worth it. Many want children so badly that they are blind to the faults of these people. Professionals provide logical unbiased decisions.

C'est la vie. We will be fine and I am sure that we will meet our child one day, it just sucks that you have to wade through so much shit to do it.

Live and learn, hopefully from the mistakes of others. Now let's see if we can still find that perfect match. Maybe next time we will try gestational surrogacy, so wish us luck!

We have not given up yet!

In January 2010 we were matched and got VERY excited. We were starting to think we really might pull this off and then the floor fell out from under us. This is a letter I wrote to a support group of sorts and switched to a surrogacy approach after that had failed...

Greetings Everyone,

We are new here and just wanted to introduce ourselves and tell you our story so far. We are a same sex couple living in Texas and have been together for almost 9 years. The last two years we have seriously discussed having a family and we officially started our journey about 9 months ago. Needless to say, we have had some bumps in this journey and are trying to remain positive.
A couple of years back we thought about co-parenting and even went so far as to meet a young lesbian and discuss this, but because of ours jobs we did not want to be tied to one area and deal with the complications of two families for our child. We then discussed the option of surrogacy, but once we looked at the cost, we realized that it was very complicated and expensive. It also seemed somewhat selfish when we thought about babies needing to be adopted.
Rewind about 16 months ago, we decided to start the adoption journey. We did tons of paperwork, saved money and discussed it with friends and family. We did our homestudy and signed contracts with an agency (really more lawyers) in California. California is one of the few states that allows same sex couples to adopt jointly at the same time, and that was important to us. This agency in California put us in a pool of potential parents, mostly straight but some gay, with the hopes that we would be selected by a birth mom. After thousands of dollars and 7 months, we have not been picked by any birthmoms, which has been disappointing for us.
After our homestudy was done, we were introduced to a facilitator in California through the gay-friendly woman who did our homestudy. Her model was a bit different. You choose who you want to be presented to and if the birth mother agrees, contracts are signed, money changes hands and you start down the road to being a parent. In January we were delighted to find out that a young woman in California had accepted us as the adoptive parents of her child. We were thrilled that things were actually happening. Even before we signed contracts, the facilitator encouraged us to give the birthmother some "gift" money in good faith as she was struggling, single and had a child to take care of. Being naive, we did so since we felt that our life was in this person's hands to some extent. Contracts were signed, 20k was wired to a slew of attorneys, trusts were set up etc.
We very much wanted to have a close and open relationship with our birth mother and were anxious to get to know her. After we were paying clients through this second avenue, they gave us her details (name, phone number etc). We called several times and left messages and she did not really return our calls. That is when I became suspicious. We had read and read about adoption and new that most birthmothers were very interested in getting to know the prospective adoptive parents. This young lady did not, so my partner convinced me she would just want minimal contact, which we were fine with. We gave her a lot of money through a trust to pay back rent, buy cell phones, get food and clothes, all the while she missed doctor appointments for a June birth. This whole time we had not even gotten a "hello" phone call or a return of our messages. While this was going on we spent thousands of dollars on another attorney trying to get the presumed father to waive his rights. Imagine how upset we were when we discovered that once presented a letter by an attorney, he OPPOSED the adoption, even though she told us he would not. The presumed father was separated from the mother for months and in a religious halfway house of some sorts. The attorney also showed us a letter she had written to him months ago WHERE SHE LIED AND TOLD THIS MAN SHE HAD MISCARRIED HIS CHILD! Needless to say, we were devastated. Just like that, the whole thing fell apart. The thousands of dollars we had spent on attorneys was gone as well as all the money we had “gifted”. And we did not have any malice towards this man if he truly wanted to father his child.
This all happened over the last month. We have been licking our wounds and trying to be hopeful, but it is hard when you feel as though you have been used and it seems like everyone has their hand out asking for money in the adoption process. So far our experience with adoption has been disheartening to say the least. You feel like your fate is in these other people's hands and you have very little control. The lesson we learned is that you must terminate the father’s rights before you go too far down the process with a birthmom.
We are still getting a few potential birthmothers from this facilitator we paid, but many of these women who are even open to gay couples are felons, former drug users and one woman who was gang-raped (and we know this is not her fault at all, but we wanted to know more about the father's medical background). I apologize to all of you for venting, but this process has taken a toll on us both mentally, financially and in our relationship. If anything, we are even more determined to make a family now, so that is why we are here, with the hope having a bit more control over this situation. We truly believe that somewhere out there is a child waiting for us.
We are here looking for a traditional surrogate mother, hopefully not too far from Texas, who would be interested in perhaps working with us. We are very honest and open and want to find someone who is the same. We have already been hurt once, so we are a bit apprehensive still, This would be an open situation meaning the surrogate would use her eggs and our sperm and there would be some contact throughout the years, but we would want the surrogate to terminate all legal rights. We both love our mothers very much, so you have to believe us when we say that we would want our child to know who his/her mother is.
Again, I apologize for venting, but I wanted to see if others had any advice or suggestions or maybe someone has been through something similar. Our apprehension about going the surrogate mother route is that it will just be about the money, that we will get our hopes up and it will fail, or that we will be misled by doctors, attorneys or women struggling through this recession like everyone else. As a potential parent going these routes to start a family, you sometimes feel as though all people see are dollar signs, so it can cause you to lose faith. We are trying hard not to, The thing that appeals to us about the traditional surrogacy route is that we truly want to get to know the mother and develop a relationship with her, since this whole journey is based off that. Thank you everyone for listening. Hopefully our dreams will come true in the next year or so. Until then, we will try to keep our faith in humanity. Wishing you love and luck and please contact us if there is any sincere interest.

signed hopeful daddies,

Brent & Greg

The takeaway for other gay couples trying to adopt here is:

1. Lawyers, adoption agencies and facilitators are out there and happy to take your money and sell you hope or the "promise" of a match (cha-ching - $20,000)
2. Verify that assumed fathers will terminate their rights BEFORE you enter into ANY agreements. This is really tricky since these agencies and facilitators "hook" you with a match that requires thousands of dollars to get the BMs (birthmothers) details. If you are matched, tell them that you will pay for a social worker to speak with the presumed father first and verify that he is indeed onboard. Spend the $200 to have a state social worker do this and save yourself the heart ache and loss of money.

So I have officially repurposed my blog. I have changed some settings to make it more private and have decided to tell our story...so here goes.

Some Background:

We have talked seriously about starting a family since 2007. Since we are missing one critical part of that (duh - a uterus!) we looked at several options over the past few years. Here were some of our initial thoughts

- surrogacy - too expensive
- co parenting - looked into it, quite hard to pull off with 4 parents. Leaves you tied to one place
- foster parenting - first of all, gay couple get no love from the state in becoming foster parents. In many ways we are treated like 2nd class citizens or "backups" for special needs kids. Plus the thought of attaching and having to give a child back to a shitty mother/father!?? Are you kidding? No thanks.
- Adoption - sure. Why not?